Overview
When discussing domestic abuse, physical harm usually comes to mind. Verbal abuse may also occur and can be just as damaging to a person's psyche. It is often a warning sign that physical abuse may occur in the future. Learn to identify the features of a verbally abusive relationship to help yourself or those around you.
Significance
Labeled as a form of domestic abuse in 1992, a verbally abusive relationship can happen to anyone---regardless of socioeconomic status or age. Women are the primary victims, although men may also suffer. Verbal abuse is usually slow to escalate and often only starts once you are committed in the relationship. A person may be charming during the courting phase, but once you have reached a certain comfort level---abuse commences. Verbal abuse may stay non-violent, or it can accelerate to physical abuse.
Features
In public, your partner might be on his best behavior--only to tear you down in private. Other times, an abuser might degrade you in front of other people---telling mean jokes that clearly hurt your feelings. He might call you names or insult you in some other way. Humiliation, excessive criticism, blame for things that are not your fault and accusations are all hallmark signs of a verbally abusive relationship. The abuse may be erratic, so you constantly think he will change.
Effects
A person in an abusive relationship might lose enthusiasm for life. Her self-confidence diminishes and she becomes paranoid that something is wrong with her, rather than with the partner. She may become obsessed with particular incidences that become a topic of abuse, trying to find what she did wrong. Self doubt and self criticism lead to unhappiness or feelings of insanity. She may not trust her own intuitions and feel that she cannot read people or situations. Future relationships---if they occur---may suffer because of distrust.
Misconceptions
Verbal abuse is no less dangerous than physical abuse and must be addressed. A verbally abusive relationship is not the fault of the abused. It usually is not a result of anger issues on the part of the abuser either because this person probably treats others decently. The abuser dominates the relationship and revels in the imbalance. You cannot change your abuser---but an abuser may be able to change under careful counseling.
Solutions
Believe in your own feelings--if you feel you are being abused, then you probably are. Find a counselor with whom you can confide. Surrounding yourself with family and friends can help you regain confidence. You may not be able to change an abuser, but you can salvage your own self worth.
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